Personal Rider

For those of you who don't thumb through a Lawyer word list or Rock & Roll Dictionary on a regular basis, a "rider" is the term for those unique little clauses that you get to add to your contract for before and after you melt faces at a venue. The most famous being Van Halen's concert rider referring to their desire of M&M's, stating "ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES".
I figured that I should get an early start on my rider so that one day when I'm a famous rock musician with my band "The Garamonsters" or world-renowned graphic designer about ready to give the presentation of your lifetime, it will already be ready:

STEPHEN'S RIDER
A. At the Venue
1. 60" Flat-screen tv with access to ESPN, Comedy Central, Discovery Channel, Cartoon Network, TBS, and NBC
2. At least one Cadillac Couch the more the merrier and all in silver and navy blue
3. Latest edition of Print, How, ESPN, and Time magazines
4. Dim lighting, but not too dark. Just enough to set the ambiance...(oh, wait, yep, no, almost had it, little dimmer, yeah, no, oh, yep that's it...ahhhh)
5. A fluffy blanket and 3 fresh pillows - firm, but not too hard and not too soft (powernap awaits!)
6. A small space heater set to warm
6a. This applies only to the months of October-March, otherwise disregard
7. Book for sketching/note takeing - must have a navy blue cover and made of leather and a pencil (not mechanical) but a real pencil made from real wood

B. Refreshments
1. Fondue Fountain - with strawberries on little sticks, bananas on little sticks, and a shallow bowl of coconut shavings that I can roll the chocolate covered fruit in
2. Bottles of Jones Soda - Berry Lemonade & Fufu Berry - don't judge me (bottles NOT cans)
3. A HOT pizza from Grimaldi's Pizza in Brooklyn
4. Chilled carton of chocolate milk - 2% only
5. Water, lots of water - chilled but with no ice

C. Additional
1. Quick and hidden access from the party bus to the venue so as to not be attacked by swarms of fans
2. Must use one of the following for my intro music:
*"Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor
*"Rock & Roll: Part II" - Gary Glitter
*"Thunderstruck" - AC/DC
*"Welcome to the Jungle" - Guns 'N Roses
2a. Never must the same song be used at a similar event in the same time zone in a given fiscal year
3. Pyrotechnics must be used upon my exit of the stage whenever possible

I don't think this list is too much to ask for.
This is in response to Armin Vit's rider