Saturday, April 18

Gourmet Heart Attack

As Americans we apparently love to combine foods that are delicious and fattening just by them selves with other foods that are also delicious and artery clogging. Most of the time these 2 things should never ever be combined.
Items that come to mind are:
*Krispy Kreme burger

- this replaces the buns of an already unhealthy burger made at some grease-pit probably called "Frank's Middle-of-nowhere Diner" next to a Waffle House and served on a plate that was once broken but has recently been duct-taped back to perfection by a toothless waitress named Flo, with 2 deep fried and mouth-watering, glazed Krispy Kreme donuts. Could you have chosen anything more fattening? Maybe next time just slap two 1/2 lb batter dipped ham haunches on and call it a day.

* Macaroni and Cheese Pizza. Two childhood favorites. Although Mac&Chez isn't totally unhealthy adding it to a baked crust and drenching it in mozzarella cheese can't be that friendly on the ol bowel system. At least its not a combo of other childhood faves: chicken nugget cereal, hot fudge hot dog sundaes, or Peanut Butter and Jell-o sandwiches (cut diagonally of course).

But the latest of these has to be the gourmet chocolate made by Vosges. It combines 2 of America's favorite fattening items: Chocolate and Bacon.

Dentists everywhere must be rejoicing! C'mon America! Seriously? Chocolate and BACON?! The only thing that could make it more white trash is deep-frying it and having ranch dressing to drench it in. This doesn't evens sound good to me. Makes me shudder and my arteries cry out in distress begging me not to intake this mess. Well don't worry fellas, I will not be ingesting this fondue hog any time soon.

Have any thing to add to this list of unnecessarily gross food combos?

3 comments:

luke said...

that all is unbelievably disgusting! especially the krispy kreme burger. so gross. and you are so right--seriously chocolate and bacon? no way. that can't be real.

the ranch line was awesome.

R.W. Shipshape said...

Ugh. I don't even think I could bring myself to smell those things.

Tiffany said...

where can I get one of those?!